Too close for comfort
by jessspider
Summary: Its five years later. Has Neela recovered from Ray's departure? Has Ray? A trip to the London 2012 Olympics proves to be more than either of them expected. First ER fanfic, seeing how will go with this.
1. Chapter 1

Chapter 1

Ultimately, she had refused him, and she knew it. She clutched hard at the hospital roof railings.

Everyday since that defining moment, she regretted it. Now five years later, she wished her life was different. She wished she hadn't been so self-righteous and naive, to think that she didn't need real love, to think that the differences between the two of them were indeed too immense to not make a difference to any relationship that he wanted with her.

Maybe she had been too young, and burnt once already. But maybe those were just the excuses she told herself to feel better for all of it.

And it had come too soon too late, the ending of their 'non-existent' relationship and then the realisation for her that he did mean something to her. Too many chances spent, too many advantages taken. Neela had in essence been unfair to him and everyday since they had parted ways in the hospital, that fateful day, she had been struggling to recover from the supposedly 'logically' correct decision she had made concerning 'them' and for that matter, the other decisions she had made throughout the earlier part of her life. There was nothing either correct or moral about the delay in her actions towards him, before his accident.

She had denied him because she was in denial that she needed him. She had denied him because she was in denial that his love could offer her the relief of the suffering and pain she had been going through at the time of Michael's passing. She had denied him for one and only one reason that might be considered fair in her behaviour towards him, and this was that he made her feel guilty about her growing feelings for him during a time when she should have been feeling for her then-in-Iraq husband. What did he do to deserve her feigned indifference towards him? Heart worn on his sleeve, tail between his legs, a hopeful look in his eyes like a puppy on a leash. She had him in her grip, she had the ball in her court, she was the one who held the power over him.

A tear full of all the pent-up yet still quite raw emotion fell from her distant brown eyes, tracing itself down the perfect contours of her soft delicate skin. Neela stared out into the veil of darkness that covered the illuminated cityscape below. The silent hum of the background traffic did nothing to distract her from her thoughts, rather it only served to enhance them.

Surgeons hardly had the time to look outside. The only window they ever really had access to, was that which everyone used to stare into the theatre when they performed their acts of miracles, to save whatever life had swung their way. Perhaps, secretly, one would steal a window of opportunity during surgery, for introspection into the soul.

_Ray, I wish I could take back the wrong that passed between us. The wrong that has befallen you on account of me._

Neela closed her eyes. Another tear fell. And then another. Weeping now, she put her hand to her mouth to try to control the overwhelming urge to let herself go completely. She slid down to the floor still clinging with one hand on the railing, body wracking itself with sobs. It was nearly the end of her shift, and these thoughts plagued her even more today than ever before, for it was the 5th anniversary of the day he left her life and the 4th time she would be forced to remember it.

It was made more poignant by the incident that she had experienced earlier that day. As if fate was serving her a greater reminder of her mistakes, that very day itself she performed surgery on a double amputee for a case that had been similar to that of Ray's. The two separate surgical wounds of the double amputee had not healed correctly, and as such, the patient had to undergo tissue debridement, to clear away the fungated mess that he had incurred as a result of the earlier poor post-operative management he had had. After she had worked on him, she found the patient sitting in his wheelchair by the window and for only a brief moment, as she happened upon his form, she was taken aback by what she had seen. Her mind had played a trick on her. She had seen Ray sitting there. She had to remind herself that it was not Ray. It was no easy feat, for Mr.George's profile from the doorway could easily have been that of her roomie. So it was thereafter that she found herself unnecessarily more upset than usual because the fact was, that it was five years to the day that Ray had been wheeled away from her life, with all his stoicism. She did not know whether she would ever recover from the shock of that very moment, that came so plainly out of the blue when she saw him being lifted out of his wheelchair and onto his bed, and then later, when he did not look back at her as he was lead out by his mother. But she knew only one thing, which was that in her thoughts, she wished she could have been there for Ray after the whole accident, if it wasn't for fate intervening again with her own trauma. Working in the department that she did, sometimes did take its toll on her. Especially seeing as how she had thrown herself into this particular field of orthopaedics.

Neela was now shivering from the chilly night air but she didn't care. She wanted to be chilled to the bone. She wanted to feel completely numb, devoid of this ache she was enduring. She did not want this to plague her tired body. Her mistakes, her regrets, eating, clawing away at her core, like Freddie Crouger had been and gone and returned back again to slice away at her heart. She loved Ray, and try as she might, to push him out her mind, she really had not been successful at it in the last 5 years that had passed.

She must have been crying for a full thirty minutes before she was slowly overtaken by the reminding hand of time. She had to make her way back home, to their old apartment that she had secured as her own after he left her. Wiping her eyes with the back of her hand, she left the roof of the hospital to quickly gather her things from the locker-room. It was her last day before the month's leave she had taken to coincide with that date. She did not want to find herself in Chicago still. She made her goodbyes to Pratt and the others brief as she walked out of the hospital and caught the El back home.

Arriving at the front door to her apartment, memories of Ray's paraphernalia scattered around the place visited her mind's eye. But when she opened the door, like she had done so many times in the last five years, she remembered it was empty of her one and only best friend. She had decided that she would move back into their apartment because it was the closest thing she would ever now be to Ray Barnett. The only one and true love she ever could say she had. She dumped her bag on the ground and walked into the living room. She stared at her packed suitcases in the corridor. Nothing left but to make her way to the airport in the morning she thought to herself. When Neela had moved in, there was not a single item of Ray's in the apartment. It was in essence empty, except their couch which had been left behind. They needed someone to fill the vacancy left by Ray Barnett urgently but as it had turned out after her hospitalisation, she found that the place was still available, so she took whatever steps necessary and signed on the dotted line. Within minutes, his place was now hers.

Any shrink might argue that such perpetuation of pain by living in the place that reminded you of your lost loved one was unhealthy in the grand scheme of making progress with one's life and 'moving on'. Neela's argument would have been that she was moving on and that she needed the pain to carry on with the work that she had invested herself in. But in truth, the shrink would be correct, because Neela wanted the reminder of Ray. She saw it as her punishment, a visual heed to never to make the same mistake twice.

After the stampede, her parents had come to America to help her with her recovery. It just became fact that weeks had rolled into months and then into years. Neela had wanted to rectify that situation and so she did the best way she knew how. Not directly, but indirectly, she involved herself in any way, shape or form, in the assistance those suffering with paralysis or limb loss. She was heavily involved in her spare time of reading journals for the greater improvement of quality of life of patients who had to be fit with prosthetics and who were suffering with disability. In her work time, she was constantly down for orthopaedic reconstructive surgery in amputees or prosthetics-fitting clinics for patients in the next stage of their treatments.

Though she would never admit it, it was parallel to her activities when she was with Michael, or rather when he was in the absence of her. The supportive wives campaign for soldier husbands, or the anti-war rally to bring the troops home. Something or anything that would make his life not be in vain or perhaps maybe her life being in vain. Activities to rescue herself from a lifetime of occupying thoughts. Neela would never admit the parallels, perhaps because subconsciously she knew what she was doing, and as long as it was subconscious, then it was fine for her.

Neela made her way into the kitchen to pour herself some milk. She could not drink tonight. If she did, she was bound to end up drunk, and missing her long-time planned trip abroad. She walked over to their couch. Placing the glass of milk on the table she put her head down on the armrest as she stretched herself out along the soft seating. She stared up at the ceiling thoughts revolving in her mind.

She had thrown herself into this area of Surgery to help her focus her pain into something more productive. She was doing something at least that would make a difference she hoped, something which had a direction, and in this way she could move forward, whilst perhaps also still clinging onto some hope of the past. She would never think about what Ray would think of her for doing something like this. She would not want him to know what she was up to because the idea of him thinking that her actions were out of pity would hurt her. It was not out of pity. It was because she missed and loved him deep down and helping in this field was related to her unspoken feelings for him. Perhaps it was also because she did not want anyone in such a circumstance to feel like life was over for them.

Neela had planned to be away from Chicago come this anniversary. It had already been organised from six months prior. She refused to allow a repeat performance of the last few times this date had passed. No, this was not going to manifest itself again as a night of alcohol and tears, dwelling on the past alone. Though she had already cried earlier that evening, she certainly did not want to spend the week or two ahead of her alone. She thought about whether Ray would have taken it to the level she had. _Perhaps not_, she thought. It was unlikely that she was even in his thoughts. _Why would I be? I only brought him hurt and pain, why suffer more hurt and pain with memories of me?_

John, an old school friend of hers from back home in Britain, had invited her to join him at the Olympic Village, to take part in the behind the scenes action with the contending British Team. It was the 2012 Olympics and it had come to her old home city of London. It was the perfect opportunity to drown herself further in work whilst also being under the pretence of a holiday and time away from Chicago. Added to that, she had also not seen her family in nearly 5 years, not since they came to look after her when she was injured. Now it was time to take a break from this one bustle of her busy life in County, and perhaps busy herself in another bustle elsewhere. She had been invited to act as an observer with the medical team employed for the health, well-being and physical management of the Athletes. She had booked a few weeks of leave off for this.

John's father was the Chief Medical Consultant for the British Olympics team and had offered John a chance to be involved as the second in lead for the Para-Olympic team. It had so happened that that very morning he had received a long letter from his long term friend Neela Rasgotra. The two them went back a long way. They had gone to nursery school together, applied to medical school at the same time, and received their A-level exams results and acceptance letters in each other's company. Though they had not seen each other in a long while, they were always conscious enough to drop each other a line come Christmas or holidays. At least once a year, they made sure of a long distance phone call over the Atlantic. On a whim, he asked his father if he could bring someone else in addition to himself to the team, not necessarily as an active participant but as an observer. So it had been agreed that Neela was going to be the lucky individual.

In Neela opinion, John's suggestion or insistent invitation was in truth something she could not pass up as far as furthering her experience and horizons. The thought of seeing these Para Olympians in action inspired her to no end. John knew that this would certainly help her with her work in the field, and if he had anything more to do with it, to entertain the reasons why she had developed this increased interest in the field. She had not elaborated further in her letter or the conversations that they had after, as to what those reasons might have been, but John knew that there was something more to it. He knew Neela and he was concerned for her always like a brother to sister. Neela however was intrigued by the prospect of seeing in action the advancements that had been made with prosthetics in sport and the associated problems that still remained to be overcome and was serving only to drive her commitment in this area further. She wanted to see how far the limits could be pushed, and how far she could push the limits.

So it was, the next morning when she woke up, still intoxicated by yesterday's implications and the cold temperatures of the night, she resolved to try not to think about the whole thing anymore because her day had finally arrived, her flight was leaving in 5 hours and the old pull of her much loved London was calling out to her.

Hi everyone, please let me know if you've spotted any spelling mistakes/and any reviews will be of use to me, let me know what you think. Studying at the moment, so I'll have to see if this is something worth carrying on with.


	2. Chapter 2 Icecream, I scream

He had been in London for a few days now, and no matter how much he tried to shake it out of his system, he was surprised at his repeated double takes at every Asian girl that walked passed him. It was London after all, he countered, the capital city of the world, this one city was more multi-culturally diverse than the whole of America put together. But that was not why he was doing a double take. It was unfortunate for him, as he thought every girl he was looking at was actually _Neela_.

He was not sure, but it was possible that he was having second thoughts about making this journey to London. As he sat in Hyde Park overlooking the Serpentine River, nursing himself with an ice-cream cone, he wondered about it some more.

"Hey Ray, how are you enjoying the ice-cream?" Danny joined him on the bench, one eye-brow raised in his direction.

Ray's friendship with Danny Spencer was born out of circumstance. He was a remarkable person who could not have been more inspiring to Ray in his darkest loneliest of moment a few years ago. Ever since that time, he had become like a brother to Ray, more than just his mentor.

"I'm enjoying it mighty fine Danny, thank you very much," Ray smirked back at him. Ray knew that he had been caught in thought and the question had really been designed to probe at him into spilling out his pre-occupied mind. Danny had come to know this of Ray over the time since their first meeting in Louisiana.

Ray rolled around the vanilla flavoured substance in his mouth. He was mesmerized by the random ducks that appeared on the river before him. When Ray had been seven months into his recovery, his insistence that everything was going to be alright became lost to him and suddenly he struggled to find purpose in his shattered life. He had been going to all the physiotherapy sessions as ordered, but the mendacity of it all struck him hard one repetitive afternoon at the clinic. Any semblance of courage he had and the veil of it all being alright had suddenly left him. Ray would never know that the people around him were actually waiting for him to crack, but that it had come several months too late. His mother had felt the need to break that seemingly-coping exterior of her son much sooner after his return to home so that he could open up to her. But it was partly because of his mother that he kept up the façade that he was actually managing emotionally and psychologically. It came one fine day, under the strict encouragement of his mother and doctor, to attend an 'events evening dinner' organised by 'Amputees for Life'. Ray hated these support groups, he felt weak for having to accept the idea that he needed any form of support. It was a slap in the face of his independence. A slap in the face of what made him popular and loved, that he was care-free and able.

"You'd tell me right, if the ice-cream was bad," Danny smiled back at him. It was Danny who bought the ice-cream and it was Danny who gave the lecture that night. He had been brought in as the guest speaker of the evening. He was not much older than Ray, maybe a few years, but it was his achievements had been greater if not equal to that of Ray's. It was because of Danny, that Ray had come to London.

"Would you really want to hear about it if it was that bad Dan?" Ray laughed from the double entendre of the conversation that they were having. Danny was persistent if not nothing. Changing tact a little, Ray continued, "I admit it's perhaps not the healthiest thing to eat right now." Ray was playing on Danny's Olympic athletic status.

Ray knew exactly what his sporting friend was making references to, but did he _really _want to divulge his feelings at that moment? He had barely been able to process them himself. He continued to stare at the ducks. Biting into the cone, he made a loud 'crunch'. Danny was an amputee too, only he was not just an amputee. He may have been defined that way, but the truth of the matter was that he was the second fastest Paralympics Track racer in as many years to compete without a wheelchair and with 'no legs'. Inspired by Oscar Pistorius, the South African dubbed first as the _'fastest thing on no legs'_ from the early part of the new millennia, Danny was coming in a very sharp second to breaking his world record. His new set of sport legs had surprised the other racers, who were not amputees, sparking off renewed debates over whether the 'Cheetah' technology conferred an added advantage over the other Olympic contenders. Danny was famous in America as a result of that and his career was now being closely watched by his nation back home.

Ray was about to speak up some more, when suddenly several gorgeous 'Neelas' walked passed him and his friend. He spotted the shortest girl smiling shyly at him as she disappeared from his peripheral vision. He groaned inwardly. _Not again _he thought to himself. Nearly choking on the last part of his cone, Ray decided that he needed a walk. It was the end of a summer day and the park was getting busier with people and tourists taking their short cuts and strolls through the green. Ray did not want to feel this way. He did not want to feel this frustration and let Danny see that his past had suddenly come to haunt him again. The truth was, Ray felt that he had moved on from Neela. Certainly, that had been the case back in Louisiana. It was not often that one saw many British Asians in the area that he was living in. He had thought about her from time to time before this trip, wondering if she had been alright and how her life had moved on. He did have regrets that maybe he had pushed away his only opportunity to keep his friendship with her despite his new-found situation, but at the time his heartfelt sentiment had been that of pain and as such that he could not bear the thought that she would break his soul again.

He was not sure, but it was possible that he was glad she had proved him right about _not doing something that she said she would do_, in that she had not visited in the time after he had left her there in Chicago. Perhaps he had hoped the tiniest of hopes that she would have made that trip down, but he had decided not to hold any more breaths. Five years had past and the ache had gone. The ache of her betrayal and her broken promises. It did not mean that he did not still care for her or that a part of him did not still love her. In fact, the day he had spoken those damned words to her, he had wanted to hurt her the way that he was hurting. He had fought for her honour while drunk and then been chucked out of the party. Driven by his love for her but hating his heart for having no self-control what-so-ever, he eventually got hit by a truck and as such had brought the whole 'fate' thing down on himself. If he was going to be chivalrous about it, his accident was his entire fault. He should never have fallen in love with a married woman to start off with. Ray stifled his momentary amusement. He could never kid himself, he did still love her. He still missed her. It was his opinion though that their non-contact in the last five years was meant to be. She clearly did not want to have him in her life. She clearly had moved on, maybe with that loser Gates. He would never let his subconscious admit it out loud though.

Danny studied Ray carefully. He had seen Ray's facial expressions run from one of wonder at the ducks waddling about in the Serpentine before them to one of annoyance as a few very beautiful girls walked by, followed shortly by a near laugh. Danny had invited Ray to London under the pretence of being a '_family member'_ to support his second sporting debut at the London Olympics. In addition to this, the American team were only too glad to learn of someone being around them who could play some live music to suit their fancy. It was meant to be a break away for Ray, a good holiday and a fun journey for him. At least that was what Danny was hoping for. Danny was a little concerned though that the desired effect was not being achieved.

The respect the two men had for each other went beyond friends. Danny knew a lot about Ray's past, that he was a doctor and a busy musician, but not much about his love life. Ray had kept up his music with occasional gigs at the weekend, but had left his medicine to something more in the region of general practice since his move to Louisiana. Some small things may have been hinted at, but not of Ray's own accord. In their discussions with each other about whether being an amputee meant that the only women who would be interested in them were prostitutes, Danny learnt a little more about Ray. It had been one evening when they were sitting together on the porch that this odd comment had been made. Quickly reassuring Ray, Danny had said to him that life was about achievements and seeing everything as a _'can have, will be done'_ situation and not about dwelling on the _'will never be, will never happen'_ scenario. He had learnt from Ray's band mates one night after dinner that the 'doctor' was a well known lady's man prior to his accident. Then something about him changed and he stopped his opportunistic girl-catching days with the after-gig parties. They all thought that he had found someone serious in his life. But Ray had never really admitted it to them, so there they all were, still clueless of the facts but not of the rumours on his personal life. It may have been one of the reasons why he decided he did not want to go back to Chicago.

Increasingly aware of the growing silence between them, Ray suddenly spoke up, "Hey Danny, I think that maybe we should head back to the hotel anyway, I have some things I'd like to sort out you know?" he said trying to excuse himself. "I just realised that if I am going to go acoustic for a few songs, I'd better be ready." He paused.

Smiling with a twinkle in his eye, he continued, 'As much as I love the limelight, I think it will be a bit different if I'm going to be doing a few pieces on my own. It's kinda your anyway fault you know, for telling some of your team mates that I can play."

Ray was playfully shaking his head in Danny's direction. He stood up from his seated position, balancing himself, hoping Danny would take his lead.

'Sure Ray,' Danny replied, studying him carefully. 'Besides, I need to get back to training, Chief wants to have a brief word with all of us, ahead of next week,' he said playing along. 'You had better make sure you come down and see me later, have dinner with the rest of us on the team ok? I know you were jet lagged the last few days, but you're ok now I'm sure,' he countered.

As Danny now too stood on his prosthetic legs, he motioned for the two to leave together, 'You know, you can always tell me when the ice-cream is bad Ray,' he laughed.

Ray's green eyes sparkled with a sad smile.

"I know Danny boy, I know," Ray replied and with that, they left behind the bench and the hungry quacking ducks to walk in the direction of Kensington Gardens, past the home of the late Princess Diana towards the nearest tube-rail link.

* * *

Back at the hotel for '_family members_', Ray had just crashed straight into the plush pillows that filled the queen-sized bed. The walk had tired out his legs. Rolling over, he considered himself for a moment. He had learnt to be grateful for what he did have. Five minutes had passed with him just staring at the ceiling, in a similar manner to what Neela had done the night before she had left for London. Sitting up he pulled the wheelchair that was by the bedside cabinet a little closer for when he was to wake up later. Still on the bed, Ray started to undo his jeans taking care to pass them down and over the new titanium alloy legs he now had to call his own. Left in his blue boxers and his logoed t-shirt, he pulled back the covers and adjusted himself on the bed. Before covering himself, he carefully started to un-strap the new technology from his 'below-knee' stump, first one leg and then the other and placed them on the unoccupied side of his bed. He took the now cold cloths that had been swimming in the ice-bucket he had placed on the bedside cabinet earlier, and squeezed out the excess water. He wrapped them over the end of his knees to relieve the slight swelling and pain he had obtained from the day. Adjusting the pillows so that they were up along the headrest, he shuffled himself back against them. 

Closing his eyes, he thought to himself about how amazing London was. _Such a busy city this London. So much to see and so much history to learn of, so many different kinds of cuisine, so many different kinds of people._ He hoped he'd have a chance to experience all of it and more.

And just before his handsome face surrendered to the whisper of sleep, he laughed a bitter laugh at his one final thought in that moment.

_And so many Neelas._

* * *

_Hey, same thing really, let me know what you think, and spelling mistakes ( I find myself a little dyslexic these days, not sure if I need glasses!) Thank you to all of you who have reviewed so far, I was encouraged to write more as a result ;) I hope you enjoy._


	3. Aeroplane, schmeroplane

_Hello everyone, this is a little shorter (not to happy about it as I like to write long chapters lol, but was a little busy today. Hope its not too frustrating.Hope you enjoy.Again, if you spot any grammer errors, let me know!_

_Thank you all for your reviews, I really really appreciate them, thank you so much. _

_This is probably a T rating. _

* * *

He smiled at her. A beautiful handsome smile, one that rose to his eyes and transfixed her into his soul. She was taken aback. Mesmerised by that depth of feeling he was transmitting her way. She suddenly became very aware of herself under the intensity of his gaze. Overwhelmed, she looked down to her hands, shyly. 

He could see what he had done to her, she was beside herself. Her hands fumbling before him. She was so shy. So embarrassed. She knew she had wanted him to look at her like that for so long. She had wanted him to want her like this.

'Neela-'

'Ray-'

They both interrupted each other. She giggled apologetically. He chuckled softly.

'You go first,' she said, afraid of what needed to be said.

'No it's alright, you go,' he encouraged her. She looked back into his smouldering green eyes. She found herself at a loss, unable to speak, once again drowning in his most attractive feature. Feeling as though looking down again might help her, she found herself instead suddenly focusing on his gorgeous red hot distractible lips.

In a moment of impossible courage through such an adversity, she then just blurted it all out, 'I'm so sorry about not visiting you, I'm so sorry about your legs and what I did to you, I'm so sorry about not ditching Gates sooner, I'm so sorry Ray that I abused you and the love and friendship you had to offer me. You kept it out there for me, and you never once refused it to me, not until you had good reason to. I'm so sorry I broke your heart,' she was crying now, tears falling freely like avalanches down Mount Everest.

A sad look entered his eyes. He wanted to reassure her. He wanted to take away that remorse she clearly had been suffering from for the last few years. He moved closer to her, lifting up her chin with his firm index finger, commanding her to look at him with a gentle tug. She had to know that it was in the past. That it did not matter to him anymore. She had to know that he still felt deeply for her, he still loved her and he still would love her. With both hands now he cupped her face, the pad of his thumbs wiping away the wetness on her delectable brown cheeks.

'History,' he said, wanting to delete the past between them in one fell swoop.

She felt his strong hands around her delicate face. She wanted to run from him, to stop him from being hurt by her again. She wanted that safety for him.

But then she felt his manly hands try to wipe away the tears of pain from her skin. Her guilt quickly returned to overwhelm her. But then his intimidating close presence was as equally overwhelming. How she longed to be touched by him. How she had longed to be in his arms, in his presence again. She wanted him to enclose her in his arms, to encircle her, to protect her, to tell her it was alright and end the distance between them. She wanted him to remove the past that was obstructing them, hindering them from a lifetime of tentative loving.

'Ray,' she shuddered, breathlessly.

'I love you Neela,' he stated emphatically, 'that's enough for the both of us,' and slowly he closed the distance between their lips finalising the fact of his statement. Tentative at first, looking lovingly into her eyes, and then more passionately, a deep long heavy kiss full of all his love and good intentions towards her, with her responding in kind to his lead suddenly filled with desire towards him. She wanted to say something, she needed to tell him something, she needed to tell him that she loved him too, she needed to say-

_**Bleing**_

'Ladies and gentlemen,' the overhead speaker boomed into Neela's head, 'the no smoking and seatbelt sign has been switched on, please extinguish your cigarettes and fasten your seatbelts in preparation for landing.' _What?_ Neela asked herself.

'We are currently holding position above London in a queue, and as such you may be able to spot a few landmarks in the distance,' the female voice continued.

_What? I don't understand, I don't – _Neela was confused, she opened her eyes. She couldn't understand what was happening.

'We should be arriving at Heathrow shortly, we aim to make touchdown in 20 minutes. Ladies and gentlemen, thank you for your attention,' the excruciatingly painfully nice voice ended.

_It was all a dream?!! _Neela stole a sharp breath. _But I didn't get to finish what I wanted to say! _

Neela was positively inwardly distressed. Waking up in a different world altogether, shaken slightly by how real her dream was she could not believe it. She could not believe that she was in an aeroplane, the other side of the Atlantic, away from the man she had just had a very vivid dream about. She was beside herself again! The sting of _real_ tears appeared this time betraying her inside.

_What the hell just happened there? Damn you Neela, can't you just get a grip! _She berated herself hard. Neela could not have been more infuriated, exasperated and upset all at the same time.

She had to calm down. It was imperative that she calm down. She touched her lips unconsciously with the fingers on her right hand. She just needed to relax a little, think of something else. She was hurt. To feel something so real and yet to have it snatched away again almost like for the third time, she was in total disbelief. She could still feel the heat of his touch on her face. Dreams could be just as worse if not more so than reality.

'Ray,' she whispered quieter than a mouse. He came out of the blue, she felt like she was in a different world, she felt like it was her world, some kind of time line distortion that allowed her to be in her world in a another time another place. A parallel life if you will.

_This is ridiculous. _She tried to stop her body and mind from mocking her.

_Just look, just stare outside the window…its not everyday you get to see London from above…look, look there, see the London Eye…._

She was talking to herself like a child who had just been denied a lollipop. Though it was not working very well, she continued in that fashion, desperately trying to destroy the feelings and imagery her soul had just been subjected to.

_Neela its over, the dream is over, Ray and you were over was over a long time ago _She lectured herself. She needed to lecture herself, she needed to put her emotions in check. Facts were facts._….Look Neela, finally…the runway!_

* * *

Twenty minutes had passed for sure, and the plane touched down smoothly all for a momentary bump. As Neela began gathering her things, she could not help but look at her passport photo as the plane readied itself into the terminal for passenger offload. 

'Ladies and gentlemen, we have reached our destination, the temperature in London is a comfortable 27 degrees centigrade and the weather is estimated to be clear and sunny with blue sky for miles,' the sickly sweet female voice returned.

Neela was struck by how young the image of the person in the photograph was. It was her _ten years ago_. Ten years ago with all her innocence, her prim and proper British Asian mannered values and ideals. She wanted to laugh at herself for how naïve she had been all the years before. But instead it came out a whimper. She had been so young to the world. So sure of herself too. So much more so at that time than in the few years after that photograph had been taken. And now ten years later with an expiring British Passport and an old photograph, she thought that it was about time that she updated in tune with the rest of her life. A newer photograph was needed, one that would be without the promise of life in it, but with the maturity of experience. Painful experience, be that as it may.

'Please remember to have your boarding cards with you, and not to forget any important valuables behind. We hope you have enjoyed your flight, thank you for travelling with British Airways. Come back soon. Enjoy your stay and have a safe journey on your future travels,' the blooming flight hostess finally finished.

Before Neela knew it, she was in the terminal, glad to be out of that stuffy constricting aeroplane. Wheeling her baggage with her through arrivals she tried her best to spot a tall white guy named John waiting in the crowd.

_I'm here. _

_I'm back in Britain._

_I just can't believe it._

_

* * *

_


	4. Neela meets John

_I'm here. I'm back in Britain. I just can't believe it. _She said to herself.

There was just something about arriving in a different country after a long plane journey that hit each of the senses full force with all the differing culture and heaviness of the atmosphere. It permeated the being. If one wanted to escape back to where one had just come from, it was more a case of 'fat chance, face reality, you're stuck here now, now deal with it.' Nobody would come to one's rescue if one was having a panic attack or facing some sort of perennial fear of what continuing with the journey would bring. No-one would have the time or the expense or the sympathy to spare. People were just too busy. Such journeys were usually made as a holiday, or for reasons of work, or reuniting with family. They were usually decided for well in advance, with months of preparation, and even if they were not, travellers were always advised to be covered by insurance.

Neela was organised, she had travel insurance, naturally. It was just that her insurance did not cover emotions. The anniversary of their parting had been and gone. Her emotional state had come as a result of the stress of the previous day and the journey she had just made. She would not feel better until she had a nice fresh cool shower and a good meal in her belly. Ideally perhaps a favourite meal cooked by her mother. But that was not the plan for today. She was going to meet with John, he was going to drive back to the Olympic Village and as a result, her mother's home cooked meal would have to wait at a later date.

She had chosen to stay with the team because she felt that it would bring her closer to the action and that with so many wise years of experience on her already, it was best to avoid unnecessary conflict with her family even though she knew they would welcome her to stay with them at any time. Of course she wanted to stay with them. But the past had proved that any unnecessary time spent in the presence of her parents inevitably ended up in some argument in one form or another. There was just no need to precipitate that inevitability.

So it was, she would stay at the Village, and then she would journey down to see her parents when she could, and maybe spend a night there. She had many friends to catch up with too, and there was no doubt that her parents would probably be on the ready for having already arranged some sort of 'function' in her honour. 'Function' was the Asian 'English' word for 'holding big get together' usually for some 'celebratory reason' or other. The Asian community had functions for the birth of a new born baby, for newly weds, on passing exams, for religious festivals, for getting the community together, 'you name it' and it would have been a good enough excuse for a nice big three course meal and plenty of traditional Indian tea and Sweets, with everyone trying to outdo themselves with the latest sparkly colourful outfits.

So there it was, Neela's 'being in London' would no doubt be the trigger for the next function. All _her_ friends and relatives, and the _family_ friends, and _anyone who knew her_ would be invited to ignore the doctor's advice concerning individual cardiac and diabetic health risks with a evening of indulgence. Neela rolled her eyes up at the thought of it. She smiled, _well if you can't beat them, join them right_? All Neela had to do was make that phone call to her parents to let them know she had landed and they would automatically let her know of their intentions, date and time before anything else in her life could be planned such as the simple act of shopping.

Neela stared straight ahead of her. She could not be sure, but it was possible that the man with the dark brown goatee and knitted eyebrows in the distance was the man she had been looking for, figuratively speaking of course.

'John!' she called out to him, stopping in mid flow to wave at him. 'Hey!' she smiled at him as he waved at her from afar.

'Dr.Neela Rasgotra!' he cried back at her, teasingly. He knew he had just drawn the rest of the waiting crowd towards his line of sight. _Same old Neela, _he thought to himself as he saw her squirm from the consequence of his playful boldness.

Within seconds they were now stood face to face, John smiling at her. He knew what was coming next.

'John! I can't believe you! You haven't changed at all have you?' Neela berated him for making her so publicized. She broke into a grin from her moment of teacher-like authority.

Taking each other in momentarily, they followed their studious looks of each other with a firm embrace.

'Well, I do try Neela to annoy you,' he laughed.

'I know, I wouldn't expect anything less,' she argued back.

The two old friends could not stop looking at each other, trying to suss out any obvious changes between them. They were both grinning like crazy Cheshire cats.

'Long time no see Neela, its great to finally have you back where you belong, even though temporary!' the tall handsome fellow commented, genuinely happy to see her. John had missed Neela, not too much, but enough. 'Did you have a pleasant flight?' he asked her.

'Oh John, its so good to see you too, honestly, after all these years I know,' she agreed, and then continued, eyes returning with a little sadness and lips turning up in disgust, 'well the flight was as well as could be expected. It's called flying. Its not that great, but it will do.'

John could see that Neela was revealing only a part of the whole story, the rest of the truth she had been clearly harbouring in those tell-tale eyes of hers. He thought to himself that he would find out at one point what the deal was. In the meantime, it was best that they started to make their way down. Briefings were due to start early in the morning, and as such, it was already 8.30pm. Neela needed some good food and a peaceful sleep.

'Don't you worry about that Neela, we should make a move, get you fed and rested. Here, let me take that for you,' he motioned to her luggage.

'Thank you John, I'm really tired, I can't wait to just crash.'

Neela let John lead her to the car park, her green two-piece luggage set being wheeled about by him this time. The smell of fuel-filled air from the cars and the planes hit her senses momentarily. She felt a little high, thinking that the sooner they left, the less sickly she would feel. Stuffing her belongings in to the trunk, they seat-belted in, and were soon driving on the motorway. Through her passenger window, she looked up into the evening sky. It was British Summertime at its best. The hostess had been right, it was blue for miles. Sunset was not due for another hour. By the time they were to arrive at their destination, it would most likely be twilight. She could not wait for the next day to start. She had to remember to ring her parents once she got to her room. For the moment though, she could just fall asleep in the car while John acted as chauffeur for the rest of the way there. She closed her eyes and let the sound of the Classical music on the radio that John had just put on, lull her into a deep sleep. If it was Ray driving, she thought briefly, this would have been Rock.

* * *

Neela was not to have any notion that when she followed John straight in to the British Team's quarters for want of a better word that Ray was in fact in the next block over, dining with his fellow Americans. 

'There you go Neela,' John had just finished wheeling the luggage into her room. 'It's late I know, but I was going to suggest that maybe you take a shower, and I'll bring some take out to your room,' he paused observing her tired form move towards the bed, 'what do you say?'

Neela was not sure really what she wanted to do, the bed did look a little enticing but she still technically was several hours behind on British Time. Perhaps, she might do as John suggested.

'Sure John, that sounds fine,' she answered back. She was about to ask what take out when John smiled and said that he would return with a curry and some naan-bread to make her feel right as rain. Quickly leaving her to be, he shut the door behind her. Neela was once again left alone in her room with her thoughts.

She studied the room in which she stood. There was huge bed in the room, with both a bedside table and lamp on either side, a desk and chair, a mirror and a wardrobe and the door to the en-suite bathroom on the right-hand side. It had been decorated with matching warm cream coloured carpets, curtains, walls and bedspreads. A colourful piece of abstract art hung on the wall above the bed tying in with the Olympic theme. The window was not a window but rather a double-sliding door that opened out onto a balcony overlooking the rest of the Village and the Thames River in the distance. She was in the British Home team accommodation, and as she moved to the outside, standing on the balcony, she had a sense of how immense this event really was, and how privileged she was to be amongst all these skilled foreign athletic individuals. She scanned the area in the twinkling starry sky beneath her, and could see several lights switched on in the different blocks around.

It was like a little Village indeed. Roads that ran between the short buildings. Every so often, she could see a building or a balcony with a Flag denoting which country was resident there. In the block to the right, she saw the American Flag. She smiled. _They were still awake_ she thought to herself. _Well, why wouldn't they be? _On the way over, she had heard about their swimming team's latest conquest of gold medals from John. _And where were the British team? _she thought to herself, _we're probably going to get bronze again._ She chuckled. Silently, she cheered on both countries, happy that one out of the two did win something. She could not help feel that affinity to both nations, after all she had spend a third of her life now in America.

Just as she was about to turn away, she heard a roar of laughter from their direction.

She shook head at them with a smirk on her face, and then she walked back into her room. She needed to ring her parents, take a shower and be ready in time for food. So she began to move about purposefully.

Just as she thought, after she had put the receiver down. Date set already. She ran into the bathroom. This shower needed to be her fastest shower ever. She had already spent twenty minutes talking to them. John would be due back anytime soon. Lathering up the soap all over herself with the hot jet spray against her tired form, she was soon rinsing off ten minutes later. Hair wet and dripping as she stepped out onto the bathroom mat, wrapping herself in the long fluffy bathrobe as she did so, she stepped into the bedroom away from the steamy air.

She wrapped a towel in her hair quickly, as she heard a knock on the door.

Opening the door, she saw John standing there with what seemed to smell like a curry. _Her_ curry. She smiled at him. The time to eat had come. She let him in, and before they knew it, they were tucking away into a Chicken Jalfrezzi and washing it down with a Mango Milkshake. No chance with the alcohol for either of them that night, as they both had to be awake in time for the morning meeting.

* * *

_Hello everyone, thank you again for your comments and reviews, very much appreciated. Again, this should have been longer, but I'm writing between breaks at the moment, and I have to say all I'm thinking about unfortunately for my study, is this story, I can't wait to get Neela and Ray together, but you'll all have to endure some angst before then. I'm so sorry! I love angst. Anyway, thank you again, and as usual if you spot any mistakes, let us know! J. Hope you enjoyed._


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